By Aneeta Prem MBE
Children do not always tell adults they are unsafe. Sometimes they hint. Sometimes they change. Sometimes they ask an ordinary-sounding question with fear underneath it.
A child at risk may not say, “I am being forced into marriage.” They may not say, “I am frightened of FGM.” They may not say, “I am being controlled.” Instead, they may become quiet, anxious, angry, withdrawn or unusually fearful about travel, family expectations or going home.
Safeguarding depends on adults noticing what a child may not yet have the words to explain.
Why children may stay silent
Fear changes what feels possible. A child may love the same family they fear. They may worry about siblings, housing, money, immigration status, rejection or what will happen if adults intervene.
They may also believe nobody will understand or believe them.
Silence is not consent.
Children rarely describe danger in legal language. They may simply know that something feels frightening, wrong or impossible to refuse.
A sentence such as “I don't want to go away”, “My family says I have to marry” or “They said I must not tell anyone” may be a child telling the truth as safely as they can.
The first adult response matters
Children often test an adult before saying more. They may offer one small piece of information and watch the reaction.
If the adult looks shocked, dismissive or embarrassed, the child may close down. A calm response can make it easier to continue.
The question is not only, What did the child say? It is also, What might the child be trying to tell us?
Changes in behaviour can be a warning
The NSPCC lists possible signs of abuse including unexplained changes in behaviour or personality, becoming withdrawn or anxious, aggression, poor relationships, running away or going missing. No single sign proves abuse, but changes deserve attention.
Read the NSPCC guidance on spotting signs of child abuse.
Safeguarding does not require adults to diagnose the whole problem before they act. It requires them to notice concern, record it properly and follow the right safeguarding route.
Forced marriage, FGM and hidden family pressure
Forced marriage is a criminal offence across the UK, although the legislation differs by jurisdiction. In England and Wales, the law also makes it an offence to carry out conduct for the purpose of causing a child under 18 to enter a marriage, even where coercion is not proved.
See Forced Marriage, Consent and Safeguarding and the official GOV.UK forced-marriage guidance.
FGM is also a serious safeguarding concern. The NHS describes FGM as procedures that deliberately cut, injure or change the female genitals for non-medical reasons. When a girl is subjected to FGM, it is child abuse.
See the NHS FGM guidance and the Government's multi-agency statutory guidance on FGM.
These harms may be hidden behind family loyalty, fear, shame, pressure or silence. No child should be left unsafe because adults feel uncomfortable naming the risk.
What schools and professionals should listen for
A child may not say “I am unsafe.” They may say:
- “I have to do what my family says.”
- “They will be angry if I refuse.”
- “I am going away and I do not know when I will be back.”
- “My phone is checked.”
- “My friend is scared something will happen to her.”
Adults should not automatically contact family members where doing so could increase risk. They should not promise secrecy they cannot keep. They should follow safeguarding procedures and seek specialist advice where appropriate.
A calm response might be: “Thank you for telling me. I need to get the right help to keep you safe.”
Small changes can matter
Professionals should pay attention to patterns such as sudden anxiety before travel, fear about going home, comments about marriage or family reputation, new restrictions on friendships or communication, unexplained withdrawal from education, or a sense that the child has no real choice.
None of these signs should be treated in isolation. Together, they may show a developing safeguarding risk.
Safeguarding must begin before crisis
By the time a child disappears from school, travels abroad, enters a forced marriage or undergoes FGM, opportunities for earlier protection may already have been missed.
Earlier action is safer and kinder.
Children do not always tell adults they are unsafe in the words adults expect. Sometimes they tell us through fear. Sometimes through silence. Sometimes through a change in behaviour. Sometimes they tell us once.
The adult responsibility is to hear them before harm becomes irreversible.
If there is immediate danger
If somebody is in immediate danger in the UK, call 999. For forced marriage, FGM or dishonour-abuse support, use Freedom Charity's official website and the specialist routes listed on Help and Safeguarding.
About the author
Aneeta Prem MBE is an author, human-rights campaigner and founder of Freedom Charity. Her work includes forced marriage, FGM, dishonour abuse, child safeguarding, education and prevention.
Sources
- NSPCC: Spotting the signs of child abuse
- GOV.UK: Forced marriage guidance
- GOV.UK: Multi-agency statutory guidance on FGM
- NHS: Female genital mutilation
First published 25 April 2026. Substantively reviewed 21 August 2026.