Children do not always tell adults they are unsafe. Sometimes they hint. Sometimes they change. Sometimes they ask a question that sounds ordinary, but carries fear underneath it.
That is why safeguarding depends on adults noticing what a child may not yet have the words to explain.
A child at risk may not say, “I am being forced into marriage.” They may not say, “I am frightened of FGM.” They may not say, “I am being controlled.” Instead, they may become quiet, anxious, secretive, angry, withdrawn or unusually fearful about travel, family expectations or going home.
Those signs matter.
Why children do not always tell adults they are unsafe
Children do not always tell adults they are unsafe because fear changes what feels possible.
A child may love the same family they fear. They may worry about siblings, money, housing, immigration status, community shame or what will happen if adults intervene. They may also fear that nobody will believe them.
For some children, silence is not consent. It is survival.
Adults often expect children to disclose risk clearly. However, a child may not understand the legal words for what is happening. They may only know that something feels wrong, frightening or impossible to refuse.
That is why a single sentence can matter.
“I don’t want to go away.”
“My family says I have to marry.”
“I am worried about my friend.”
“They said I must not tell anyone.”
“I do not think I have a choice.”
A child may be telling the truth as safely as they can.
Fear can change how a child speaks
Fear can make children careful.
They may test an adult before saying more. They may offer a small piece of information and watch the response. If the adult looks shocked, dismissive or embarrassed, the child may close down.
That first reaction matters.
A calm adult response can make a child feel safer. A careless response can make danger feel even bigger.
Professionals, parents and trusted adults should listen for what sits beneath the words. The question is not only, “What did the child say?” It is also, “What might the child be trying to tell us?”
Silence can be a safeguarding sign
Silence is not always neutral.
The NSPCC says possible signs of child abuse can include unexplained changes in behaviour or personality, becoming withdrawn, seeming anxious, becoming aggressive, poor relationships, running away or going missing. These signs do not prove abuse on their own, but they should prompt adults to pay attention.
Read the NSPCC guidance here:
NSPCC: Spotting the signs of child abuse
Safeguarding does not require adults to diagnose the full problem before they act. It requires them to notice concern, record it properly and follow the right safeguarding route.
A child should not have to use perfect words before adults take imperfect danger seriously.
Why adults must notice small changes
Small changes can be early warnings.
A pupil who suddenly fears a holiday may be telling adults something important. A child who asks about marriage, travel or family honour may need a safe conversation. Another child may raise concern for a friend because the child at risk cannot speak directly.
In practice, adults should notice:
sudden anxiety before travel
fear about going home
comments about marriage or family pressure
new secrecy around plans
withdrawal from friends
worry about a sibling or friend
references to cutting, purity, shame or family reputation
a sense that the child feels they have no choice
None of these signs should be treated in isolation. However, they should not be ignored.
Forced marriage, FGM and hidden family pressure
Forced marriage is illegal in the UK. GOV.UK defines forced marriage as where one or both people do not or cannot consent to the marriage, and pressure or abuse is used. It also says forced marriage includes doing anything to make someone marry before they turn 18, even if there is no pressure or abuse.
Read the official guidance here:
GOV.UK: Forced marriage guidance
This matters because some children will not understand that family pressure can be abuse.
They may hear that marriage is expected, arranged, necessary or unavoidable. They may believe refusal would bring shame, rejection or danger. Therefore, adults must understand the difference between free choice and coercion.
FGM is also a safeguarding issue. The NHS describes FGM as a procedure where the female genitals are deliberately cut, injured or changed without medical reason. It says FGM usually affects young girls between infancy and the age of 15, most commonly before puberty starts.
Read the NHS page here:
NHS: Female genital mutilation
The Government’s multi-agency statutory guidance on FGM supports professionals with safeguarding duties towards children and vulnerable adults.
Read the statutory guidance here:
GOV.UK: Multi-agency statutory guidance on female genital mutilation
These harms can hide behind family loyalty, fear, cultural pressure, shame or silence. However, no child should be left unsafe because adults feel uncomfortable naming the risk.
What schools and professionals should listen for
Schools and professionals should listen for language that suggests fear, control or lack of choice.
A child may not say, “I am unsafe.” Instead, they may say:
“I have to do what my family says.”
“They will be angry if I refuse.”
“I am not allowed to talk about it.”
“I am going away and I do not know when I will be back.”
“My friend is scared something will happen to her.”
These comments need careful handling.
Adults should not confront families without safeguarding advice. They should not promise secrecy. They should not dismiss the concern because the child later withdraws it.
A safer response is calm, clear and boundaried:
“You have done the right thing by telling me. I cannot keep this secret if you may be unsafe, but I will help you get the right support.”
The first adult response matters
The first adult response can decide whether a child speaks again.
Children notice tone. They notice hesitation. They notice whether adults believe them. They also notice when adults become more concerned about upsetting the family than protecting the child.
Safeguarding requires courage, but it also requires care.
An adult does not need to have all the answers in the first conversation. They need to listen, stay calm, avoid judgement and follow safeguarding procedures.
If a child faces immediate danger, adults should seek urgent help through emergency services or the appropriate safeguarding route.
Safeguarding must begin before crisis
Safeguarding should not depend on a child reaching crisis.
By the time a child disappears from school, travels abroad, enters a forced marriage or undergoes FGM, warning signs may already have been missed.
Earlier action is kinder, safer and more effective.
That means adults need better listening. Schools need confidence. Professionals need clear language. Communities need to understand that coercion, forced marriage and FGM are not private family matters.
Children do not always tell adults they are unsafe in the words adults expect.
Sometimes they tell us through fear.
Sometimes they tell us through silence.
Sometimes they tell us by changing.
Sometimes they tell us once.
The adult responsibility is to hear them before harm becomes irreversible.
About Aneeta Prem
Aneeta Prem is a human rights campaigner, author, founder of Freedom Charity and Chief Executive Officer of TNA UK. She writes on safeguarding, dishonour abuse, forced marriage, FGM, neurological pain, disability, charity leadership and public service.
Useful links
Aneeta Prem: Human Rights and Safeguarding
Freedom Charity
Freedom Charity: PSHE Educational Resources
Freedom Charity: Cut Flowers
Freedom Charity: But It’s Not Fair
Sources
GOV.UK: Forced marriage guidance
GOV.UK: Multi-agency statutory guidance on female genital mutilation
NHS: Female genital mutilation
NSPCC: Spotting the signs of child abuse
By Aneeta Prem
Published: 25 April 2026
