Reviewed and updated 22 August 2026. This guide is for general information and does not replace individual safety planning with a specialist service.
By Aneeta Prem MBE
Christmas can bring more time at home, disrupted routines, financial pressure and fewer ordinary reasons to leave the house. For somebody living with domestic abuse or coercive control, that can reduce privacy and increase risk.
You do not need to make a perfect plan. A small safe step can be useful if it widens your options without alerting the person controlling you.
If there is immediate danger
Call 999.
If you call 999 from a mobile and cannot speak, listen to the operator. If you are transferred to the Silent Solution and prompted, press 55 to be connected to police. Pressing 55 does not itself allow police to track your location.
If you can safely cough, tap the handset or answer yes-or-no questions, follow the operator’s instructions.
Specialist domestic-abuse support
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is available free and confidentially 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
GOV.UK also maintains a current domestic-abuse help page with routes for women, men, LGBT+ people and people needing specialist or local support.
If a phone or device may be monitored
Use a safer device if one is available.
Do not make sudden changes to passwords, location settings, shared accounts or browsing history if the change itself could be noticed and increase risk.
Technology can be used to monitor location, messages, calls, accounts and smart devices. Specialist domestic-abuse services can help somebody think through digital safety without assuming that deleting everything is automatically safest.
Choose one trusted person
If it is safe, choose somebody calm and discreet who understands that confronting the abusive person could increase danger.
You may agree a simple phrase or code that means “call the police” or “I need help”. Keep it ordinary enough that it will not obviously reveal a safety plan.
Know the safest way out
If tension is rising, think about where exits are and which rooms could leave you trapped or close to weapons.
The purpose is not to win an argument. It is to reduce harm and preserve choices.
If you have children, keep any plan simple and age-appropriate. Children should not be expected to manage adult danger.
Know where essentials are
You do not necessarily need to collect documents or pack a bag if doing so would be noticed.
It can still help to know where identification, bank cards, medicines, keys and children’s essential documents are kept.
If it is safe to do so, a small amount of accessible money and a charged phone can widen options in an emergency.
Be careful about evidence gathering
Records, screenshots or photographs can sometimes be useful later, but nobody should put themselves at greater risk simply to collect evidence.
If a device is monitored, saved evidence may be discovered. Specialist advice can help with safer ways of recording what is happening.
Separation can increase risk
Leaving an abusive relationship is not always the safest moment to act alone. Risk can rise when somebody who uses control believes they are losing it.
Where possible, plan separation with specialist support rather than announcing it during an argument or relying on a generic online checklist.
Domestic abuse is not only physical
It can include controlling money, monitoring a phone, restricting contact with friends or family, sexual coercion, threats, humiliation, stalking, intimidation or controlling where somebody goes and what they do.
The question is not whether every day is violent. It is whether a pattern of behaviour is being used to control, frighten or dominate another person.
If all you can do today is one thing
Save a number somewhere safe. Tell one trusted person. Learn what to do on a silent 999 call. Use a safer device to look at specialist support. Or simply recognise privately that what is happening is not normal disagreement.
A safety plan should fit the real life of the person at risk. It should never make them less safe in order to follow somebody else’s checklist.
Current sources and help
- GOV.UK: domestic abuse — how to get help
- Refuge and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline
- Independent Office for Police Conduct: Silent Solution
