By Aneeta Prem MBE
Most people think they know what stalking is. They picture flowers, repeated messages, a “crazy ex”, a stranger outside a home.
That story is dangerously incomplete.
Stalking and dishonour abuse intersect in a way too many systems still miss. In forced marriage and dishonour-based abuse, stalking is often not carried out by a lone stranger. It can be carried out by relatives, family members, or a wider network. It can be surveillance as “discipline”, reporting as “duty”, control dressed up as “care”. It is not love. It is coercion. Crown Prosecution Service+1
Stalking is repeated, unwanted behaviour that intrudes into someone’s life and causes fear or serious distress. It is a pattern crime. The risk often lies in escalation, not in any single incident. Crown Prosecution Service+1
Freedom Charity uses the term dishonour abuse because there is nothing honourable about coercion or violence. The framing matters, because language can either challenge abuse or accidentally repeat the abuser’s narrative. Freedom Charity
If you are new to the term, start with Dishonour abuse explained (Freedom Charity).
Stalking is rarely just one thing. It is usually a mix of tactics designed to prove access and power.
It can include:
The point is not just contact. It is control. The victim learns that privacy is conditional, and that daily life comes with consequences.
This is why “just block them” is so often useless. Blocking one account can lead to more. Reporting can trigger retaliation. The fear is rational, because it is grounded in persistence and escalation.
This section sets out England and Wales law. Scotland has a separate stalking offence framework. Legislation.gov.uk+1
In England and Wales, stalking sits within the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, including:
That “substantial adverse effect” wording is important. It captures the reality that stalking changes how a person lives.
The CPS also explicitly recognises stalking carried out through technology and online behaviour. Crown Prosecution Service
Sentencing depends on the evidence and the offence charged. But the public deserves clarity about the scale.
The Sentencing Council summary is clear:
This is the simplest way to explain why stalking is not a low-level nuisance. The law recognises it as potentially life-altering and dangerous.
Stalking is often a build-up. Waiting for “the worst” is not safeguarding.
A Stalking Protection Order (SPO) is a civil order the police can seek to manage risk. No prior conviction is required to apply. GOV.UK
Breach of an SPO is a criminal offence. On conviction on indictment, the maximum penalty is up to five years’ imprisonment. Legislation.gov.uk+1
That penalty exists for a reason: breach is often the moment risk increases.
Survivors in forced marriage cases do not describe “relationship problems”. They describe stalking. They describe fear. They describe being watched, followed, and reported on, sometimes by their own relatives. When that is dismissed, danger grows. This is not love. It is dishonour abuse, and it must be named and treated as such.
In dishonour-based abuse, stalking is often the enforcement mechanism. A rumour becomes an investigation. A friendship becomes surveillance. A boyfriend becomes a “charge”. Then someone is assigned to watch, to report, to control.
Sometimes the “stalker” is a sibling. Sometimes it is a wider network. Either way, the effect is the same: safe spaces disappear.
I am careful with examples. The details that identify a child can never be published. But the pattern must be named because it is not rare. In one anonymised outline, a young girl was persistently monitored by her brother and threatened with being “reported” to her father for having a boyfriend. The distress escalated until she attempted to take her own life.
That is not “family culture”. It is coercion and surveillance used as control.
If you need the clearest explanation of consent, pressure, and forced marriage risk, read Forced marriage: what it is and what to do (Freedom Charity). Freedom Charity
Stalking and coercive control can sit in the same story, especially within families. The CPS guidance recognises that charging decisions may involve overlaps between offences, but the victim’s lived reality is often a combined experience of monitoring, intimidation, isolation and threat. Crown Prosecution Service
This is why professionals must record the course of conduct, not just the latest incident.
The Government has published material on stalking provisions within the Crime and Policing Bill, including that:
Hansard records Lords debate and proceedings on these clauses. Hansard
This direction is right, but legislation is only as strong as day-to-day practice. A stalking victim does not need promises. They need early recognition, consistent risk assessment, and protection that works.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If you cannot speak, use the Silent Solution. You will be prompted to press 55 to be put through to police. Police Conduct+1
If it is not an emergency, call 101 and report the pattern, not just one incident.
Practical steps that often help:
If forced marriage or dishonour-based abuse is suspected, treat it as safeguarding and seek specialist help. Multi-agency statutory guidance is clear that forced marriage must sit within safeguarding structures. GOV.UK+1
The law matters. Policing practice matters. Protection orders matter. But prevention is where lives are saved.
That is why Freedom Charity works in schools and speaks directly to boys and young men through Not in My Name, because we cannot only teach girls how to survive. We must also challenge the attitudes that normalise control and surveillance. Freedom Charity+1
Read Not in My Name campaign (Freedom Charity).
Stalking is not love. It is not protection. It is not jealousy. It is not family discipline. It is not culture.
Stalking is a pattern of control. It creates fear. It removes freedom. It can escalate to serious violence. If we want fewer deaths and fewer lives destroyed, stalking must be named early, taken seriously every time, and treated as safeguarding risk, especially where dishonour-based abuse is suspected.
Because the moment we minimise it, we give time back to the perpetrator.
And time is what stalking uses.
Yes. Stalking is defined by repeated, unwanted behaviour and its impact, not by the relationship between the parties. Legislation.gov.uk+1
Stalking behaviour can be carried out online. CPS guidance covers stalking and harassment, including where technology is used as part of the course of conduct. Crown Prosecution Service
Keep anything that shows the pattern: messages, screenshots, call logs, emails, dates, witnesses, and any interference with your home, work, education or routine.
An SPO is a civil order that police can seek, without a prior conviction, to manage stalking risk. Breach is a criminal offence. GOV.UK+1
The Sentencing Council summary states six months for harassment or stalking, and 10 years for the more serious stalking involving fear of violence or serious alarm or distress. Sentencing Council
Aneeta Prem MBE is Founder of Freedom Charity, a UK charity working to prevent forced marriage and dishonour-based abuse through school education, safeguarding resources and specialist support. Charity Commission Register+2Freedom Charity+2
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