By Aneeta Prem MBE
Who does a child tell when there is no teacher to tell?
For many children, school is more than a place of learning. It may be the one place where an adult outside the family sees them regularly enough to notice that something has changed.
That matters when a child is frightened about forced marriage, FGM, family control or an unexpected journey abroad. It matters even more when school is closed, attendance has stopped or the child has disappeared from ordinary professional sight.
Safeguarding cannot depend on a child being visible enough, confident enough or knowledgeable enough to ask for help in exactly the right words.
A child does not need the legal language
A young person may not know the words forced marriage, FGM or coercive control. They may only know that something feels wrong.
They may say:
- “I don't want to travel.”
- “My family is planning something.”
- “I think they want me to marry someone.”
- “My phone is checked.”
- “Please don't contact my family before speaking to me.”
Those sentences may be enough to start a safeguarding conversation.
Who can a child tell?
It does not have to be a teacher. A safe adult may be a doctor, nurse, police officer, social worker, youth worker, sports coach, friend's parent, relative or another adult who is genuinely outside the situation creating the risk.
The important point is privacy. If family members may be involved in the pressure, a child needs the chance to speak without them present.
Professionals should not automatically contact relatives before considering whether doing so could increase the danger.
If somebody is in immediate danger
If somebody is in immediate danger in the UK, call 999.
For forced marriage, FGM or dishonour-abuse support, use Freedom Charity's official website. The UK Government's Forced Marriage Unit also provides specialist advice on forced marriage.
Children and young people can also use Childline's official website.
For a single, maintained set of practical routes, see Help and Safeguarding.
What if somebody checks the child's phone?
Digital safety matters. If someone controlling the child checks calls, messages, browser history, accounts or location, contacting help from that device may reveal what they are doing.
Where it can be done safely, another route may be better: speaking to a professional in person, using a trusted person's device, or telling a professional that communications are being monitored.
A child should not put themselves in greater danger simply to collect evidence.
What if travel is planned?
Fear about an unexpected journey abroad should be taken seriously, particularly where marriage, FGM, family reputation or punishment has also been mentioned.
If a young person fears they are being taken abroad for a forced marriage or another form of abuse, getting specialist advice before travel can be crucial where that can be done safely.
If danger becomes apparent at an airport or another place with police or security staff, the young person can ask to speak to somebody privately.
The child we cannot see
Teachers are central to safeguarding because they see children repeatedly. They notice absence, withdrawal, sudden anxiety and changes in behaviour.
But safeguarding cannot end at the school gate.
A child may be persistently absent, excluded, in alternative provision, educated at home or no longer attending at all. None of those circumstances is proof of abuse. The safeguarding concern arises when reduced visibility sits alongside other warning signs such as coercion, fear, threatened travel, family violence, forced marriage or FGM.
The question is not the label in the database.
Who is actually seeing the child?
Questions professionals should ask before contact disappears
- Have I spoken to the child alone?
- Does the child have a safe way to ask for help outside school hours?
- Does somebody else control their phone, accounts or location?
- Is unexpected overseas travel planned?
- Has marriage, FGM, family reputation or punishment been mentioned?
- Has attendance, behaviour or participation changed suddenly?
- Who is the next independent adult likely to see this child?
- What happens if the child does not return?
The safeguarding disclosure gap
I use the phrase safeguarding disclosure gap to describe the space between a child being at risk and having a realistic, safe opportunity to tell somebody who can help.
It is not a statutory term.
The gap can be physical because the child is no longer in school. It can be digital because communications are monitored. It can be geographical because the child has travelled overseas. It can be linguistic or psychological because fear, loyalty or shame make disclosure difficult.
And it can be systemic: help exists, but the child cannot reach it privately or does not know it is there.
Stop asking only why the child did not tell
Adults sometimes ask, “Why didn't she tell somebody?”
A better first question is:
“When did we give her a safe opportunity to tell us?”
Did anybody speak to the child alone? Did somebody explain that forced marriage and FGM are abuse before a crisis? Did anyone ask why the child was frightened about travelling? Did anyone notice when ordinary contact disappeared?
Designing the safeguarding system is an adult responsibility.
Safeguarding cannot close when the school gates do
Children should not have to deliver a perfectly worded disclosure before adults act.
Fear often arrives in fragments. Adults have to be capable of hearing them.
The child who is hardest for professionals to see may be the child who most needs someone to look.
Before the next unexplained absence or sudden journey, there is one question worth asking:
“Who will see this child next — and what happens if nobody does?”
About the author
Aneeta Prem MBE is an author, human-rights campaigner and co-founder of Freedom Charity with Lord Toby Harris. Her safeguarding work includes forced marriage, FGM, dishonour abuse, child protection, education and prevention.
Sources and further reading
- GOV.UK: Forced marriage and the Forced Marriage Unit
- Department for Education: Working Together to Safeguard Children
- Child Safeguarding Practice Review Panel: safeguarding children in elective home education
- Childline
- Freedom Charity
First published 11 August 2026. Substantively reviewed 21 August 2026.